Quote Of The Day

"I bought a house, it's a two bedroom house, but I think it's up to me to decide how many bedrooms there are. This bedroom has an oven in it. This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom is over in that other guy's house."

(Mitch Hedberg)

 

Nerdy Joke

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a banana?

Elephant banana sine theta in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two as determined by the right hand rule.

 

Nigerian Puppy Scam

Bobbee and I have been thinking about getting a baby brother or sister for our little puppy. Since we are both usually not at home all day, we thought it would be nice to get a little play mate for our pup so he is not bored alone at home all day. We found an ad in Tucson classifieds about a 9 week old Yorky pup for sale, so yesterday, I emailed that person asking about details. When I checked my email this morning, I had an email waiting for me in my inbox. Here is an excerpt from the email:

"Due to the nature of my job & my religion,i am a pastor that works for pastor chris oyakilome and i work for him part-termly & also i am into international contracts (sales and supply of Fabrics)so i'm in Nigeria, the puppy is also here with me and because there is nobody to take good care of the puppy for me here, so I decided to sell the puppy. So if you are interested let me know by forwarding your full name and address so that i can arrange for the shipping and i want you to promise me that you will take good care of the baby and you will keep me update with current pics. Puppy will be deliver nextday after shipping, with express shipping service."

This is so sad. I mean, first the Nigerian government froze the assets of rich uncles with unpronounceable names and now people have no other choice but to sell their puppies. What kind of a world do we live in?


P.S: I did notify the Secret Service and Yahoo customer service (because the scammers were using a Yahoo account) about this puppy scam. Hopefully they will disable that account before some naive old woman transfers her whole life savings to those Nigerian a-holes.

 

The Crusades Agaist Religion

I read an interesting (but incredibly long) article in Wired magazine about Atheism. Though I do not classify myself as an atheist, this article does make a few good points about religion and religious people:

- How can people believe in their religion when science has disproved so many of its claims (such as Evolution, the creation of earth, etc etc)

- Can the human civilization survive unless all religion are eradicated? If you think about it, nearly all the wars and conflicts (except for the North Korean issue) in the present time have religious under text (Afghanistan, Iraq, Kashmir, Bosnia, Sudan, Sri Lanka, Philippines etc etc).

- Would people be less inclined to be religious if they were not pressured by the people around them?

Anyways, it's an interesting article, but I won't recommend reading it if you are sentimental about your religion and don't like it if people disagree with your opinion.

 

Happy Halloween

Left or Right?

Take this quiz and find out. From the results above, it seems that I am a bit left leaning :-/

 

The M-Pire Strikes Back

The new apprentice to Darth Tater, Darth M&Maul.

 

Bonjour Mr. Mortgage

Wake Me Up When September Ends...

It's been a while since my last post. In the past 20 days, I got another job, scored my first ever run in Softball while straining my upper thighs in the process, went to Vegas for 4 days with my wife, decided not to take the other job, almost broke one of my fingers because I thought Softball mitts are for wusses and bought my first house. Needless to say, the past few days have been kinda crazy. But, I am back now and hopefully I will be posting useless crap on a regular basis again.
Here are the Vegas pics

 

Viva La Mexican Food!

Last night, my dinner had a lot of Jalapenos in it. This morning, my ass gave a new meaning to that Johnny Cash song "Ring of Fire".
Speaking of Johnny Cash, I know that some of his old songs are becoming popular with the younger generation ever since that move "Walk The Line" came out last year. If you are one of those people, try listening to the song "The Wanderer" by U2. The song was written by Bono and features Cash as the main singer and is the last track on the U2 album Zooropa. That song (at least in my opinion) is one of the best Johnny Cash and U2 songs ever.

 

Quote Of The Day

"Nine women cannot have a baby in one month"

Fred Brooks - The Mythical Man Month

 

Go Team!

Bobbee & I decided to join a local Co-ed soccer league. We played our first 90 minute scrimmage last night. Our new wheelchairs should arrive in 4 - 6 business days.

 

And the downward trend continues...

Remember my blog entry about my horrible travel luck? Well, it's not getting any better. Last weekend, when I was flying to Raleigh/Durham, my plane was about to take off from Tucson airport, we were going full speed on the runway, the plane had its nose up in the air when suddenly, the pilot grounds the nose and slams on the brake. I have no idea how far were we from the end of the runway but I can't imagine that we had a lot of room to spare. While our plane was still trying to come to a stop, I saw the airport fire-trucks rush towards our plane with their strobe lights on. For a while I got excited, I thought I might finally get to use one of those slides but it was not to be :( After a little while, the captain announced that there was something wrong with the airplane brakes so they decided to abort the take off. Well, I am not a pilot, nor do I have any kind of flight training, but it does seem kinda crazy to slam on the brakes at full speed because there was something wrong with your brakes. Either ways, we had to sit on the tarmac for about 2 hours while they tried to figure out what was wrong with the plane. Eventually they gave up and transferred us onto another airplane and sent us on our way. But because of the delay, I missed my connecting flight and I had to spend the night at a crappy hotel in Dallas.
It's bad enough that the pilots scared all the passengers by aborting the take off and made a lot of people miss their connecting flights, but they didn't even let us use the slides! Now that's just inhumane!

 

Thought Of The Day

Are there any books that were not a New York Times Best Seller?

Thank You, Come Again

Yesterday, I was at an Indian Grocery store and after I had paid for the items, the guy behind the counter instead of saying the customary "Thank You, Come Again", he blurted "Thank You for shopping here". I mean, what an embarassment to all the Indian store owners! I am thinking of calling the Indian embassy, they should strip him of his nationality.

 

They're Not Real & They're Spectacular

news link

It's not as if women¹ need any more reason to get implants, God knows most of them can definitely use 'em.

One thing I find funny is how so many women are against breast augmentation. I mean, they get fake nails, fake eye lashes, fake hair color and wear lipsticks that were tested on cute little monkeys but they think that getting a boob job is an abomination to the human race!!!

¹ By "women", I mean single human females between the age of 21 - 29 who are in good physical shape.

 

The Simple Pakistani Life

One of the side effects of allowing women to use the TV remote control (apart from hours of torture watching Lifetime channel) is that every once in a while you come across things most of us with XY chromosomes would never consider watching. This past Sunday, Bobbee was watching The Simple Life (you know, that "reality" show with Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie) on E! Channel and in one of the episodes, Paris and Nicki pretended to be "traditional Pakistani wives". Here is a description of the episode from iTunes:

"Paris and Nicole experience culture shock when they take over for a traditional Pakistani mom. With the patient help of their "husband" and Americanized 15-year-old "son," the girls manage to dress, speak and dance like conservative Pakistani housewives. But it all goes downhill fast after the girls try grocery shopping and cooking. And when Paris and Nicole show the boys how they like to party, their host mother is not pleased. At all."

The episode was hilarious and I must admit, the only time I've seen Paris Hilton looking half decent was in the Black shalwaar kurta she was wearing in the episode.

Here is a clip:



You can watch more clips on youtube or download the entire episode on iTunes, here is the iTunes link:


 

The Curse of "Pakistani Origin"

The past few days, I have been hearing that all the alleged plotters trying to blow up the US bound airplanes were British citizens of "Pakistani origin". Some reports even mention that they are second or third generation British citizens of "Pakistani Origin". I am not into conspiracy theories, but I have noticed that in the news, origins are only mentioned if you are of Middle Eastern descent. I live in Arizona where most of the crimes are committed by Hispanics but not once I have read a news report like "Jose Gonzalez who is a second generation American of Mexican origin was charged with two counts of homicide and three counts of fornicating with a goat". So my question is, how many generations of my offspring will it take for them to be finally accepted as Americans or will they have to live with the stigma of having "Pakistani Origins" forever. In most fairy tales, curses last for 7 generations, I fear that reality may be far worse.

 

My Freakin' Luck

1. I was planning on flying to Pakistan in December of 2001 for my brothers wedding, then 9/11 happened and my airline cancelled all their flights to Pakistan.

2. I went to Toronto in August of 2005 for my cousin's wedding. The day before I was scheduled to come back home, there was a plane crash in Toronto, cancelling my flight and delaying all other flights

3. For my trip to Omaha for my wedding, they couldn't fit our luggage on board because they overfilled the airplane with luggage for a minor league baseball team. They took our contact info so they can deliver the luggage to the place we were staying at, but they lost the info and after a few hours on the phone with them, we had to drive back to the airport late at night to pick up our luggage.

4. I have to fly to Raleigh, NC today and they just raised the alert level to Orange and are not allowing any liquids or gels in carry-on luggage. So, if you see me tomorrow and my breath stinks like old socks, you know who to blame.

 

Raleigh / Durham, NC

I may be in the Raleigh / Durham area this weekend on Business. Anybody knows anybody there who I can hang out with and what not?

 

Interview Question

A lot of times, when companies are interviewing you and if the interview went well, one of the very last questions they ask is whether you have any other offers on the table or not. I never know how to answer this question. If I say I don't have any other offers, I may sound like a loser who nobody else wants to hire and therefore if they do decide to hire me, they don't really have to offer a competitive salary. On the other hand, if I do answer that yeah, I do have other offers, they might think that I may be more interested in the other offer or maybe I will ask for a higher salary since I am apparently in demand. Any suggestions how I should handle these questions?

 

Tucson Softball Leagues

Ok, Bobbee and I have been trying to join a softball league in town for a while now. It's hard enough to find an opening in an existing team, finding a team that has room for both of us is nearly impossible. So, we figured, what the fudge, we will just form our own team and then kick their asses. You know in the movies, when the dorks / nerds / losers don't get to play with the jocks / hunks / Prom king material boys, what do they always do? Exactly, they form their own team, find 1 superstar, and somehow get to the tournament final where in the last few seconds of the game, the loserest of the loser helps them win the game. Yeah, that team is gonna be us! We already have our superstar, Bobbee, she played softball all her life and for her college, even has a coaching endorsement and we have our ultimate dork, me, who bought his first softball Mitt last weekend. Now all we need are 13 players to fill in the gap. I am actually pretty decent at it. All that golf practice somehow made me a pretty decent pitcher, go figure!
So if you, or anyone you know lives in Tucson, is not comatose, and has the least bit of interest in joining a softball league, lemme know. We are not gonna be too competative, We mainly wanna do this for fun, hang out, make new friends, and hit a few softballs while buzzed. If interested, email me at towelieGotHigh@gmail.com or just reply to this post and leave your contact info.

 

Nerd Hotline

 

Fat-Free, Reduced Calorie Marriages

I found an interesting article about what people in Arab countries are doing to get laid without the headaches that usually accompany a spouse (I said usually, not always!), while at the same time, circumventing the whole "have sex before marriage & burn in hell forever" clause in Islam. To top it all, they can do it for free! And I had to pay a hundred bucks at Nikah to buy my wife! Maybe I can get my $100 back if I can find the receipt (Yeah, my wife is really gonna kill me after reading this).
This whole thing reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George couldn't get the condom out of the wrapper before it was "too late", imagine doing all of that AND running to the Imaam to get your marriage papers before you run out of steam! Man, you'll need to have one hell of a hard on... and I don't think those burqas help.

Click here for the link

 

The 26 Year Old Sudoku Virgin

I solved my first Sudoku Puzzle today. It took me a little over an hour... but I did write a few emails, talked to a few people on the phone and ate breakfast while solving the puzzle.

 

Reece

If you ever call me at 3 am and I am outside picking up poop, he's the reason why.

 

How I Feel At Work Today

 

Top 10 Reasons Why Tucson Sucks

10. Slow speed limits and narrow streets.

9. Has only 1 freeway, I-10 East & West (ironically, it mainly goes North and South in Tucson) and is out of way for more than half of the city.

8. No In-N-Out Burger or IKEA.

7. No big league sports teams.

6. Too many cars from Mexico who seem unfamiliar or plainly ignore traffic laws.

5. Wayyy too many ghetto malls and neighborhoods.

4. Crappy Nightlife.

3. Too many fat and ugly people. Even the female news anchors are not pretty.

2. Tucsonans actually think it is a better place to live in Phoenix.

1. It's the home of U of A.

 

Tucson Jungle

I was driving to work this morning, and I looked at a car on my left and this is what I saw...

 

Site Visits

According to Google Analytics, 3.33% of visitors to my site came from a domain name called "f***ing-in-heaven". So, Mr. Heavenly Lover, thanks for visiting my blog. I don't know who you are and what you look like, but maybe we'll meet someday (not too soon I hope) and maybe you can teach me some of your tricks that you publicize so much.

 

Soccer vs American Sports

5 Reasons why Soccer is better than American sports:

1. No Timeouts - Once you get on the field, you stay on the field until the half is over.
2. No Clock stopping - The games start on time and finish on time (unless the games goes into OT or PK's of course).
3. The Manager/Coach does not come out on the field to argue - I've never seen a soccer coach spit on the official's face.
4. The commentators are not as annoying - No stupid catch phrases, well, except "GOOOOOOOOAAALLL" which is hella cool.
5. Limited Substitutions - You can't change the entire team after each play.


5 Reasons why American Sports are better than Soccer:

1. No Acting - The players don't lie down, clutching their ankles, screaming in pain one minute and running at full speed the next. Here, when athletes scream like that, they are usually out for quite a while.

2. Wardrobe Malfunctions - When was the last time Spice Girls came on the stage during the half time show and showed their nipples to support the English soccer team?

3. The Manager/Coach does not come out on the field to argue - I've never seen a soccer coach spit on the official's face.

4. No weird crowd songs - what do they sing anyways, you can never make out the words!

And last but not least...

5. Cheerleaders - Unless you are gay, this one needs no explanation.

 

Colplay-Like Songs

If you like Coldplay, you might wanna give these 2 songs a shot:

1. Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol). Though this song by itself does not sound like a Coldplay song, most of the songs by this band do and I reckon Coldplay fans will like this song anyway.



2. Sailed On (Landon Pigg). I got this song as a free download from iTunes Music Store last week. The Artist description on ITMS mentioned that his songs are similar to Coldplays, I wouldn't say this song is all that good, but it ain't all that bad either.



 

Shariah vs World Cup

Ok, its understandable that Islam Shariah law is against free speech, equal rights for women, using your brain, peace on earth etc etc, but why the hell is it against Football/Soccer??!!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5150118.stm

 

How Many Pakistani's Does It Take...

MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters) - Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.

Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.

"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-beared man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.

"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation."

Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.

"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.

"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."

The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.


 

Oh my love, it's a long way we've come...

The pic on the left was taken when I was in 10th grade, about 10 years ago, the pic on the right was taken last year. See any difference? Yeah, neither do I ;)

 

Royal Lahaina Luau Review

I signed up for this particular Luau because I it came with the Atlantis Submarine ride package/combo. I figured a Luau is a Luau, just a bunch of Polynesian people dancing in little clothes and considering that most Luaus accommodate a few hundred people, probably really bad food. Needless to say, I was right on the target.
What made this particular Luau crappier than others was that it started off late (more than 2 hours late). Our ticket said that it will start at 5:00 and it did not start till 7:00. They advertised free drinks, but only Mai Tai and Cosmo were free (and as expected, they were pretty crappy), Pina Colada and a few other drinks were $10 extra. The food, as expected was just OK. Not being a big dance connoisseur, I cant say how good or bad the dancers were, but the fire dancers dropped their torches quite a few times (about 5 times in 5 minutes).
All in all, it was a pretty crappy Luau (not that I have been to any other Luaus to compare it to), but if I were you, I'd try some other Luau and not this Royally Crappy Lahaina Luau.

Quote Of The Day

"This shirt is dry clean only, which means it's dirty."

(Mitch Hedberg)

 

Babes of World Cup

Brazil

Sweden

Germany

Saudi Arabia

Yeah, my vote goes for the Saudi chick as well. It's almost unfair, the Brazilian, Swedish and the German women don't stand a chance...

 

Hawaii Pics

Here are the pics from Hawaii

 

I'm Back!

I am back from Hawaii, in 1 piece though highly tanned. Anyways, I will post the pics from Hawaii any day now.

 

East Siiiiiide!

Watch out Bloods & Crips, the East Side Gang is here...yo!

 

Love of My Life

#1


#2



P.S: This may be my last post on here because once my wife reads this, I will be in a coma for a while.

 

Pic of the Day

 

Obsessed

I got married about a week ago and I am going to Hawaii in a week but all I can think about is my golf swing! Is there something wrong with me?

 

Darth Tater (hic)

Over the weekend, Darth Tater got hold of some Canadian Club whiskey and has been proudly displaying that ever since.

 

Free Golf Lessons

May is supposed to be "Free Golf Lessons" month where you can get one on one instructions from a PGA instructor for free! The only catch is, the session only lasts 10 minutes, but hey, its free, what do you expect? And if you are lucky, you may get an instructor who wont walk away after 10 minutes. Yesterday, I had an appointment with Henry Ravenell at the Fred Enke Golf Course, he was supposed to only teach me for 10 minutes but he ended up spending about an hour with me. Heh, I didn't know my swing was THAT bad! Anyhoo, go to www.playgolfamerica.com and find your local PGA instructor(s) and schedule an appointment. Try to get lessons from as many instructors as you can, I had one appointment yesterday and I have 3 more scheduled for next week.

 

Fuse This!

No, I am not the kind to buy into the stupid marketing hypes but I decided to try out that new Fusion razor by Gillette. I figured, since I am about to be photographed more so than I ever have or hopefully ever will be in my life, I might try to look half decent, so I dished out the $10 or so for the razor and 1 cartridge. I got the vibrating one, thinking that if I didn't like the razor, I can always make use of it in other ways. Anywhoo, my first impression... ITS FREAKIN' HUGE! It almost feels like a cheese grater rubbing against your skin. Its ginormous size really doesn't bother you too much until you get to the curvy parts of your face, like the chin and jaws etc, then you really feel its size becoming a nuisance. Thanks to this razor, I got the worst ever shaving cut I've ever gotten in my life, and believe me, I have used a lot of crappy razors. The vibrating feature was supposed to make the shave better, but I couldn't tell the difference. It seems all the vibrations did was made my fingers numb after 5 minutes.
All in all, its a very crappy product. I definitely prefer my current Mach 3 over this expensive and useless POS.

 

Mom's Salary

This report by Salary.com says that if stay at home mom's were paid business type salaries for the kind of work they perform, they'd be making well over 6 figures in annual salary. They based this figure by counting the approximate number of hours stay at home mom's spend doing a chore and comparing that task to a REAL job. I think the whole concept of comparing household chores to an actual job is pretty stupid. Allow me to demonstrate; I am going to compare some of the tasks that a typical single male like myself performs to actual jobs and lets see how much money I should make on top of my regular job.

Task	Hours / week	Comparable Job
Driving to and from work	10	NASCAR Driver
Deciding what fast food to eat	5	CEO
Watching TV	10	TV Critic
Surfing internet porn	5	Software Engineer
Checking out girls	5	Market Analyst
Playing Sports/Excercising	10	Professional Athelete

So, by my estimate, I should be getting paid a 7 figure salary on top of what I get paid at work. Heh.

Moral of the story:
Women, shut your whining and go make me some pie!

 

ASU Alumni - Egg Hunt

(click on the image to enlarge)

This is a scanned image of a page in the ASU Alumni magazine they keep mailing me. Lets see if you can find anything interesting on there, especially you Shaun.

 

666

All you crazy, apocalypse seeking fanatics who were dissapointed when the world was not destroyed after Y2K now have another date to look forward to, June 6th, 2006 or 6/6/6. That's the day when the beast will rise from the earth and wage a war against the saints. Frankly, I think I want the beasts to win, I heard they throw great partae's and they make the best Pina Coladas. Fo Shizzle!

Here is some more info on the beast that I found on the net:

• 660 = Approximate number of the Beast
• DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast
• 666.0000 = Number of the High Precision Beast
• 0.666 = Number of the Millibeast
• / 666 = Beast Common Denominator
• (-666) ^ (1/2) = Imaginary number of the Beast
• 6.66 e3 = Floating point Beast
• 1010011010 = Binary of the Beast
• 6, uh . . . what was that number again? = Number of the Blonde Beast
• 1-666 = Area code of the Beast
• 00666 = Zip code of the Beast
• 666mph = The speed limit of the Beast
• $665.95 = Retail price of the Beast
• $699.25 = Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
• $769.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
• $656.66 = Walmart price of the Beast
• $646.66 = Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
• Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast
• Route 666 = Way of the Beast
• 666 F = Oven temperature for roast Beast
• 666k = Retirement plan of the Beast
• 666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
• 6.66 % = 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
• $666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate
• Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast
• Word 6.66 = Word Processor of the Beast
• i66686 = CPU of the Beast
• 665.9997856 = The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
• 666i = BMW of the Beast
• DSM-666 (revised) = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
• 1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address
• 668 = Next-door neighbor of the Beast

Here are some of my own:

• 6.66 JigoWatts: The energy the Best requires to travel back in time
• 6.65 9/10: The price for a gallon of gas at the local Beast-e-Mart station
• 66.6 %: Alcohol by volume in triple distilled, premium Beast Vodka.
• Mazda 666: The favorite car of the Beast
• I-666: US Customs Form for Beasts when entering the US.
• 6666: Beast's bank ATM pin.
• .666: Beast's batting average.
• 666 Mhz: The clock speed of the Beast
• 670 Mhz: Overclocked Beast

Feel free to add more of your own :)


 

Alien Invasion

 

Visited Countries

The map above shows the countries I've visited so far (in red). Hopefully I will be adding a lot more in the future. Its surprising that I've never been to Mexico considering I only live 50 or so miles from the border :-/

create your own visited countries map

 

Stupid Astrology Buffs

Next time, anybody mentions any astrological BS to you, forward this article to them:

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_071.html

If they still believe in astrology, tell them that the tooth fairy is gonna knock their teeth off and Santa will not bring them any gifts this year.

P.S. I've recently added Astrologists to the list of people that I despise (like, Racists, Religious Fundamentalists, Hippies and people who watch Fox news).

 

Spring Training

We went to a spring traning game up in Phoenix last weekend. The Padres kicked the crap out of Brewers. We had fun. I think Shaun & Cameron would've enjoyed the game even more had their Gameboys not run out of batteries half way through the game :)

 

Arranged Marriage (part 2)

Pakistani Idol

 

Everybody Sounds Like Coldplay

Is it just me or the new song "Nothing Left To Lose" by Mat Kearney sounds EXACTLY as if it was by Coldplay. I mean, the guy sounds exactly like Chris Matthews and everything else about the song screams Coldplay. I don't blame them, if they wanna immitate somebody they might as well go for the second best group in the world (we all know U2 is the best) :)
Speaking of Coldplay, I was browsing iTunes Music Store and I came across this song by them called "Proof". iTunes shows its release date as sometime in 2005 though I never heard it on the radio or saw its video. Anywhoo, its a dang good song, go get it.... NOW!

 

Evil Kittens

I made this video using my web cam when they were only 10 weeks old. They used to be so cute, now they are just plain evil.

 

A Night At The Jillians

At Jillians in Scottsdale over the weekend.

 

Arranged Marriage (part 1)

Wedding Forecast

Typical weather in Omaha around my wedding date:

Date	Sunrise	Sunset	Avg. High	Avg. Low	Record High	Record Low
May 10	6:12 AM	8:32 PM	72°F	48°F	90°F (1962)	33°F (1981)
May 11	6:11 AM	8:33 PM	73°F	49°F	91°F (1958)	30°F (1981)
May 12	6:10 AM	8:34 PM	73°F	49°F	93°F (1962)	32°F (1969)
May 13	6:09 AM	8:35 PM	73°F	49°F	89°F (1988)	28°F (1997)
May 14	6:08 AM	8:36 PM	74°F	50°F	93°F (2001)	33°F (1953)

 

Poems

This is the poem that I currently have in the program for my wedding ceremony:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And poems are gay!

 

Golf N Stuff

I was at Sports Authority this weekend, looking for a new golf putter when a guy approached me.

Him: "Do you know a lot about Golf?".
Me: "Yeah, a little".
Him: "I don't know which club should I buy. My neighbors dog keeps sh!tting in my yard and I want to buy a golf club so I can throw the f***ing sh!t back to his yard."
Me: "How far do you wanna fling poo?"
Him "About that far" (points to the door, about 30 feet away)
Me: "Yeah, a sand wedge should do the job."
Him: "Oh cool, thanks" (takes a sand wedge and leaves)

 

Buzzword of the Day

"Futurecast"

This is what the local NBC station in Tucson is calling its weather forecasts. So now when they incorrectly predict rain on a completely sunny day, they will do it while sounding cool!

 

San Francisco

 

Sunrise in Tucson

 

Fun with Subtitles

 

Happy Valentines Day

This one's for my Lady:

If I had a hammer, I'd build a house for two,
And if I had a sailing ship, I'd take a trip with you,
And if I had a poets hand, I'd write a verse for thee,
And if I had the painter's touch, on canvas you'd be.

But I don't have a hammer and I dont have a ship
So I can't build your house and we can't take a trip
And I'll never be a poet, nor have the painter's grace
So I'll never write your verse, nor immortalize your face

And also I have herpes...

 

All Good Things...

Last weekend, I donated the old Toyota Corolla to Goodwill. It had been sitting happily in the parking lot of my apartment complex, catching the warm Arizona sun, living the high life, until my apartment management got jealous of its lavish lifestyle and threatened to tow it away. So I thought it was time I bid adieu to my old friend. Even though I hadn't driven it for over a year, it was still sad to watch it being loaded to the back of the tow truck. After all, it had been with our family for nearly a decade. It helped my brother, Ali and I through college. During rough times, I could always count on it to be there for me. It may not always run, but at least it was there. Every trip in it was an adventure, you never knew when the car was going to stall or when the engine will over heat. Ali had named it "Boxter", not because it ran like a Porche Boxter but basically, because it was a giant box with wheels. Yeah, that car really was special.

Goodbye old friend, we had some good times together, but then again, all good things must come to an end.


And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Corolla in the wind
Never knowing if the engine will turn on
Or when the door will let us in

And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a college kid
Your carburetor burned out long before
Your chassis ever did

 

Priceless (Rated R)

Hee hee... its a funny MasterCard ad. It's watchable at work, but I recommend using headphones if wives/kids/bosses are around.

 

East Meets West

Maliha & Bobbee at the little engagement party that we threw on Saturday.

 

Jimmy Eat World - Clarity

This album came out before their CD "Bleed American", before anybody had ever heard of them and before songs like "The Middle" and "Sweetness" made them famous. I bought this CD not expecting much from it but I was pleasantly surprised. Though the music quality is a bit amateurish and most songs barely have any lyrics, the music is still pretty good. It's less "punkish" than their last 2 CD's so if you liked their slow songs, you will enjoy this CD. This CD is similar to that of U2's The Unforgettable Fire, really good CD but overshadowed by some of their later and more popular work.

 

Happy Groundhog Day

"You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

(Phil Connors - Groundhog Day)

 

Freedom of Speech

In case you guys haven't been following the news recently, a lot of Muslims are pissed (so what else is new?) because a Danish newspaper held a contest to draw funny pics about the Muslim prophet (Mohammad) as a test to see how far can they push their right of free speech. Now the Muslims are telling everybody to boycott everything Danish. I saw/read all of those cartoons and though most of them were rather crappy, none of them incited hatred & I have to admit, some of them were rather hilarious.

To avoid the risk of offending my family and most of my friends, I will not divulge who I think is right or wrong, but I will say this to my Muslim audience, boycotting Danish goods is not the way to go. If they offended you, then draw cartoons about how the only contribution by the Danish to the human civilization has been butter cookies and pastry! What the Danish people did may be offensive to you, but it was well within their legal rights, and all the crying and bitching on your side is not going to make them give up their right (and there is no reason why they should either).

 

Golf

I played my first round of golf yesterday with Bobbee and Mike (my future father in law) at the Fred Enke golf course. I shot a 62 and lost only 4 golf balls, not too shabby for a n00b.



I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got good at it. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy in once. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore." But I was too busy mumbling, "there ain't no way that's gonna hit him." (Mitch Hedberg)

 

Romance of the Jedi

 

Who's Your Panda?

Don't you just love Pandas? They are so cute and innocent!

 

Chuck Norris Facts

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

8. Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.

10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.


For more Chuck Norris Facts, click here

 

Engaged

So anyways, Bobbee and I had been dating since August, though it seems like forever, I figured before she realizes that she is wayyy out of my league, why not pre-emptively propose to her. So I took her up to Mt. Lemmon, near the spot where she once threw a surprise picnic for me, and yada yada yada.... I am getting married this summer.

 

Happy 2006