Fountain Park

That's the giant fountain at Fountain Hills, AZ. It's supposed to be the world's tallest fountain, kinda looks like a huge.... umm... fountain...yeah

Christmas Quote Of The Day

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
(Mitch Hedberg)

 

Of Pandas and ID-iots

"To be sure, Darwin's theory of evolution is imperfect. However, the fact that a scientific theory cannot yet render an explanation on every point should not be used as a pretext to thrust an untestable alternative hypothesis grounded in religion into the science classroom or to misrepresent well-established scientific propositions"
(Judge John Jones)

The above written quote is what a Judge in Pennsylvania used to rule that Intelligent Design has no place in science classes. For those of you who can't make any sense out of the quote, it can simplifed as; The theory of evolution may be imperfect but Intelligent Design is, for the lack of a better word, "Bull Shit".

Though this ruling is a major victory for people who actually use their brains once in a while, I am sure the idiotic backers of Intelligent Design will appeal or try again in some other school district. Eventually, politics will determine what is taught in science classes and not science itself, which is very unfortunate.


http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/12/20/intelligent.design/index.html

 

Conservatives In The Closet

A conservative christian organization called American Family Association (www.afa.net) is planning on boycotting Ford Motor company because Ford advertises in different gay oriented magazines. Since AFA believes that gays are a thorn in the traditional american lifestyle, they oppose any corporation that does not discriminate against gays like they do.
I have one question for the AFA members. Since they are so opposed to homosexuals, why are they reading gay magazines in the first place? I am NOT gay, and most of my friends are not either (Not that anything is wrong in being gay!), and I can say for a fact that 99% of hetrosexual men would never even touch a gay magazine, forget about looking thru it. It seems to me, there are quite a few clost gays at AFA, opposing gays during the day and dressing up in their drag costumes at night.


http://www.cnn.com/2005/BUSINESS/12/16/ford.adverts.ap/index.html

 

San Diego

 

Wildcats = Losers

ASU: 23




U of A: 20







Is there anything those MildCats don't suck at?


"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and f*** the prom queen"
(John Mason - The Rock)


 

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns

 

Kansas

The Bad News: The Kansas School Board voted to teach Intelligent Design and downplay Evolution in their science classes.

The Good News: Now that people in Kansas don't think that they are related to their farm animals, they won't feel guilty when they have sex with them.

 

Mystery Men Quote Of The Day

"The police ruled my father's death a suicide. They said he fell down an elevator shaft, onto some bullets."

(The Bowler)

 

Sabino Canyon

We went hiking up at Sabino Canyon earlier today. Sorry to keep this post short but I gotta go clean the dirt stuck up my butt crack :-/

 

Intelligent Design My Ass

Lately, the whole argument of allowing forcing science teachers to teach Intelligent Design in science classes has been all over the news. The proponents of Intelligent Design do not believe in Evolution and Natural selection, instead they claim that life of earth is too complicated to have evolved without the help of some "higher being". Using the rules of philosophy that I learned in my Philosophy 101 class, the argument provided by the supporters of Intelligent Desgin can be written as:

- Premise #1: Life exists on earth.
- Premise #2: Life is too complicated to be explained by Evolution
- Conclusion: Life must be created by some "Higher Being"

This is a logically invalid argument. The premise provides no support for the conclusion whatsoever. Basically, they are pulling the conclusion out of thin air.

I consider myself a scientist (hey, computer science is a science, isn't it?) and I try to keep an open mind about everything. People have every right to question Evolution, but claiming Intelligent Design as science is against everything that science stands for. Evolution is supported by DNA, carbon dating, fossil samples, continental drift etc etc, and on the other hand, Intelligent Design is supported by... well, actually, it is not supported by anything! Sorry, but just because your religious text books says so doesn't hold any weight when it comes to science. Intelligent Design and Creationism is a religious philosophy, NOT a science and should be kept away from our science classes. If they do ever come up with some evidence that negates what Evolution is claiming, I will be more than happy to listen to it with an open mind, but till then, all I ask for them is to take their BS and shove it up their religious ass.

 

Halloween

Last night, Bobbee helped me make my first Jack O Lantern... kewl ain't it!

Thinking of all the cool creatures I will meet on this night
Ghosts & Goblins & Witches roaming the street in moonlight
Bowls of candy and goodies delicious and waiting in store
The sound of cute little footsteps as they approach my front door

Letting the children inside to drink beers
Razor blades hidden in Three Musketeers
Screams from the basement of kids begging to be set free
That's what Halloween means to me

(Stephen Lynch)

 

Let's Go Coyo

- Gas to drive from Tucson to Phoenix:    $20
- Dinner with your girlfriend & her friend: $30
- Two tickets to a Hockey game:          $50
- Watching a crappy hockey team beat your local crappy hockey team... priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for a night full of embarrassment, there is Phoenix Coyotes.

 

Klingon Programmers

It's old but still pretty funny...


Top 10 things likely to be overheard from a Klingon Programmer:

10. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
9. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
8. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
7. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
6. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' - and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
5. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.
4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment on his code!
3. Klingon software does NOT have BUGS. It has FEATURES, and those features are too sophisticated for a Romulan pig like you to understand.
2. You cannot truly appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!

 

Here is where...

Lately, I've been unable to think of new things to post to my blog. Not because nothing is going on in my life, on the contrary, the past few months have been very exciting and eventful, but I'd rather not divulge publically, most of the things I've been doing... *wink* *wink* So anyways, I've come up with a new section where every once in a while, I will post an image from Google Earth of a place of some significance in my life. Here comes the first one... click on the picture to enlarge.


Location : Goldwater Engineering Building. Arizona State University. Tempe, AZ.
Significance: When all of my other, non-engineering major friends were out having fun (or sleeping) on weekends, here is where I spent countless hours, sitting in a tiny, cramped and stinkin' computer lab, desperately trying to finish my projects. Why did the lab stunk you ask? Lad, I have 3 words for you.... "Indian Grad Students". Those of you who have dealt with Indian Grad Students, you probably already know what I am talking about. Those of you who haven't, consider yourself VERY VERY LUCKY.

 

Top of the Muffin, To You!!!

Can you imagine filing the insurance claim for that car... the phone conversation might go somewhat like this...

Car Owner: Hello, I would like to file a claim, my car has been totaled...

Insurance Agent: I am sorry to hear that, were you in an accident.

Car Owner: No, my car was crushed by a giant muffin..... Hello? Hello?

 

Pick up line for Geeks

"Hey, what's a nice girl like you doing in a chatroom like this?"

 

Only in Tucson

This guy tried to rob a bank by taping his mouth shut and claiming that he has a bomb inside his mouth... genius!

 

Stupid Question

Since today is "Ask a Stupid Question Day", here is one for y'all...

What's the deal with Ovaltine? I mean, the cup's round, the jar's round, shouldn't it be called Roundtine?

 

Kindergarten Teacher

If my Kindergarten teacher looked this cute, I'd still be learning my ABC's right now...

 

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

 

SAQ

Here is a little SAQ (Seldom Asked Questions) about me:

- Whats your shoe size?
9 1/2

- Why did I name my cat Maximus?
He is named after General Maximus Decimus Meridius (The Gladiator). I like Greek/Roman names that end with "us". I was gonna name him Doofus but I opted for Maximus instead.

- How much money did I really save by switching to Geico?
Not much really because I use Progressive.

- Why a Jetta?
Because I was sick of all my friends and family only buying Honda's and Toyota's.

- But why did you lease it?
Because I was stupid.

- How much do you weigh?
You know you are not supposed to ask a lady that question.

- What's your favorite snack?
These days, Rice Krispy Treats.

- What's up with "Sam"?
Because I am sick of hearing the "Hey, you must be a terrorist ... ha ha ha.." joke.

- Why do you try to immitate Cartman?
Because he is hella cool, God dammit!

- Do you wanna get high?
Nah, that's Towelie's job.

- Do you really think people are actually gonna read this SAQ?
Nope, I mean, they'd have to be total losers if they do :)

 

Take me out to the ball game...

My first baseball game!!!

 

Died in the cube of glory...

Last year when I went on my vacation to Canadia, after I came back to work, I found one of my Intel beany dudes hanged by a Lynch mob... the poor fella has been left hangin' by his neck since then...
Oh and now that I finally have a camera phone, hopefully I will be posting a lot more pics in my blog now. A few weeks ago, I saw two hamsters having sex in their cages at Petsmart... oh boy, I so wish I had a camera phone with me then...


PS: This is what the part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

 

Bio-Diesel

Apparently this dude in Germany invented a car that runs on dead cats!

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/09/14/germany.catfuel.reut/index.html

If the gas prices have your car just sittin'
You can go plenty far if you kill a kitten

 
 

Jihad Joe

(click on the picture to enlarge)

Hee hee... I want one of those, it should go well with my "Beverly Hills Saddam" and "Malibu Ayatollah" and "Pretty in Pink Gadaffi" doll collection... :)

Freedom 2005

This morning before the men's US Open semi-final, they were showing a little documentary about Martina Navratilova (the Tennis player) about how she had to seek assylum in the US when she defected from Chzecoslovakia back in the 70's because people over there were being opressed. At the very end of the interview, she was asked about the current political scene in the US and she mentioned how we went to Iraq so the people over there can finally be free to do what they want to do and say what they want to say, but if anybody here in the US expresses their opinion against the current administration or against the war, the Republicans / Conservatives label them as unpatriotic and tell them to get out of America!
Heh heh, what she said once again proves my theory... that ugly people usually are smart :)

Sore Loser

Talk about being a sore loser, this is what Venus Williams had to say after she lost to Kim Clijsters at the US Open Quarter Finals.

"I was playing decent and she started playing really bad and it totally threw me off... She was playing weird. Next thing I knew I was playing as bad as she was. She started hitting these weird shots, short balls. ... I guess maybe it was a good strategy. It just threw me off."




So whatever little dignity she had left after the loss, she had to throw it away by her stupid comments. I am so glad she is out. Now I can't wait for the Semi Final match between Sharapova & Clijsters. The good thing about that match will be that no matter who loses, I'll win :)

Mt. Lemmon

Somewhere on the Aspen Trail.... hee hee.. I said Ass! :-P

(from left to right) Omar, Me and Shaun.

Toozer

Ever so often, an ordinary person comes up with an idea that completely transmogrifies the forthcoming. I too, just came up with such an abstraction, an idea so simple, yet so brilliant that it leaves all who hear about it, in total reverence. For over two decades, I have been seeing people with unsanitary teeth until one day I couldn't take it anymore and took it upon myself to rid mankind of such a putrid affair.
Behold, the "Toozer", an amalgamation of a Toothbrush with a Tazer. The answer to all of humanity's woes! Ok, maybe not all, but at least one! Everyday we are bombarded by a mash-up of multiple products, bundled together as one for the convenience of the simpletons, like Cell phones and Cameras, Pencils and Erasers, Automobiles and Stereos etc etc, so the combination of a toothbrush and a Tazer seemed quite natural. Those of us who have been privileged enough to use a good quality electric toothbrush must know how they have the 2 minute timers. With the Toozer, if you turn off your toothbrush before the 2 minutes are up, you will get 10,000 volts of electrical fiesta! :) That should be enough to coerce people to have good oral hygiene. Should make for an excellent christmas gift for children and adults alike and should also help drive some of them darn dentists out of business.


"[Dentists!] Who needs them? Not to mention the Blacks and the Jews!"
(Beth to Jerry Seinfeld)

Mitch Hedberg Quote of the Day

"I played golf, I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying"

Is There No End To Their Gayness?

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned. I was at Target yesterday and comitted a grave and unforgivable sin. I bought Hilary Duff's latest CD! I know what I did was wrong and I am not trying to justify my actions or asking for forgiveness, I just wanted to come out in the open about it. I understand if none of you ever talk to me again, but hiding it from everyone was eating me up inside and I wanted to get it off my chest.

Quote of the Day

"It's OK to lie to women, they are not people like us."

(Peter Griffin)

Who Of A ?

Ok, I never heard this joke before I moved to Tucson but anytime I tell any U of A fan that I went to ASU, their immediate response is "ASWho?". What I don't get is, if they really want to make fun of any letter of ASU, they should at least pick a letter that is not found in "U of A"!!! What retards!

Stupid Pro-Lifers

Ok, this morning on my drive to work, I saw a huge sign on the back of a car windshield that read "God is Pro Life". At first, that made chuckle because I don't know who her God is but the God for most people here on this planet REALLY likes to kill people. Draughts, famines, pandemics and sometimes, when he is really bored, he gets creative and generates massive Tsunamis that kill a few hundred thousand people in a day. So I laughed at her folly (and at her as well), and then I thought more about that sign and wondered how crappy that God must be if even he / she doesn't have a choice to have or not have a baby! So basically, what she is saying is that God, the creator of heaven and hell, the all knowing and all powerful, can create human life out of grains of sand, but if he wants to terminate his pregnancy, he is f***ed!

Here's Zoey!

I noticed I don't have any pics of my favorite (and only) niece on my blog so here it is...

View to a Kill

Another pic taken from my apartment balcony...

Deep Thoughts By Jack Handey

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason."

Immigration Dude

Ok, so it seems the US Customs agency have a hiring policy of hiring only the biggest jerks around. I ran into a total jackass on my way back from Toronto. That guy had a big attitude and ego problem and totally reminded me of a song by Stephen Lynch:

If I could be a superhero, I'd be Immigration dude
I’d send all the foreigners back to their homes, for eating up all of our food.

And taking our welfare and best jobs to boot
Like landscaping, dishwashing & picking our fruit

I’d pass a lot of laws to get rid of their brood
‘Cause I’d be Immigration Dude

Nida's Big Fat Paki Wedding

A few pics from my cousin's wedding in Toronto:

The Bride's entourage:


The Bachelors:


The Bachelorettes:

Oh Canada!

So, I finally got to Toronto in 1 peiece and 2 hours earlier than planned so yay for that! :) I was again selected for "random" screening... surprise surprise! And they have a new cool machine that they use to screen for bomb residue on you. You step into this little glass cage and they puff air all over you... kinda like that puff they blow in your eyes when you go to an optometrist. Surprsingly enough, they didn't find any explosive residue on me!!! (Hey, Mr. FBI guy, if you are reading this blog, I am JUST JOKING!)
Anyways, my family decided to go straight to my cousins place (the cousin who is getting married) from the airport. Over there, we hung out over there for a long time. Met a lot of my cousins and uncles and aunts that I hadn't seen in decades. So it was fun and then later, all the guys and girls went for Ice cream at a really fancy schmancy place and got yelled at by the manager for being too loud. I gotta get my hands on some pics we took tonight and post them here.

Update: I finally got my hands on a few pics, here is one. If you look really close between the 2 guys, you will see a brown shirt, its me inside of it :)

Cows and Goats for Chelsea

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/africa/07/27/clinton.kenya.ap/index.html

"A Kenyan says he offered Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter's hand in marriage five years ago -- and is still waiting for an answer."

If I were Bill Clinton, I would not just accept the offer, I'd throw in Hillary for free!

Harry Potter and Land of Virgins

So I was at Barns N Noble this friday night, the same day the new Harry Potter book came out. The whole place was PACKED! Filled with little kids in their little Harry Potter costumes, dragging thier miserable parents all over the place. They had actors in Harry Potter outfits & fake british accents signing autographs. I dunno why, it's not like they were real actors from the movie or anything, probably some C-rated actors, who work part time at Denny's after being spit out from the bottom of the porn industry. They had puppet shows, singers, face painters, you name it, they had it. It was like a full fletched Potty-fest going on there. Some of the little kids looked so cute in their little Harry Potter costumes but a part of me couldn't help feel sorry for them because you know half of those boys are never gonna get laid!


"To Virginity and Beyond!"

Not Another Teen Movie Scene of the day

Scene: Jake's girl friend just dumped him and his father is trying to console him...

Jake's Father: The good news is, I have the perfect rebound girl for you.
Jake: Really?
Jake's Father: Beverly, could you come in here!
An older woman enters the room
Jake: Dad! That's mom!
Jake's Father: What do you say? I'll leave you two alone. Make me proud son!

The Simpsons scene of the day

Scene: Homer Simpson is accused of being a communist, and there is a news report about him being a communist...

Kent Brockman: Could Homer Simpson be a communist? His father spoke out on his behalf.

Abe Simpson: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star!

Star Wars Engrish Transration

Hilarious subtitles for Star Wars Episode III in the chinese edition of the movie... check it out:
http://winterson.com/2005/06/episode-iii-backstroke-of-west.html

Lame Canada!

4th of July, most people know it as USA's Independance day, but what a lot of people don't know is that this day is special for us Canadians as well, for on this day, we celebrate our "Dependance Day"... our dependance on the US. for our economy, entertainment, draft evaders and handguns. If the US had not declared independance on this day, who knows, Canada may still be a British Colony... oh wait, Canada still is a British Colony... D'oh!

Oh well, Happy Independance Day everybody! :)

Cute but deadly!

I took this pic of them when they were about 9 weeks old...

The Merchant of Venice

I saw the movie "The Merchant of Venice" starring Al Pacino, Jeremy Irons and a few other unheard of actors. It's been a while since I last read that book... in fact I don't think I have ever even read that book, but I was familiar with the whole story... I am not that ignorant.. geez! Anyways, the movie was fairly good. Al Pacino (Shylock) as usual was simply brilliant. Jeremy Irons (Antonio) and most of the other actors and actresses did a good job as well. One bad thing about the DVD was the sound quality was not very good, and there was no option of turning on the subtitles in English. I give it a 3.5 / 5.

"I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

(The Merchant of Venice, Act III, Scene I).

Full House

These are the houses they used to show in Full House. We looked around everywhere, but we didn't see the Olsen twins :(

And while we're talking about Full House, here are the lyrics to its opening song, I thought I'd post them too ... just for completeness :)

What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.
Everywhere you look , everywhere you go (there's a heart).
There's a heart
A hand to hold onto.
Everywhere you look , everywhere you go.
There's a face
Of somebody who needs you.
Eveywhere you look,
When you're lost out there and you're all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home,
Everywhere you look.
Everywhere you look.

Boys of Summer...

Me & my cousins at Fisherman's Wharf.

A typical Bay area resident

I saw this gentleman (or should I say lady?) in San Fran and I HAD to take a pic.... I have to admit, for a dude, he's got pretty nice legs! ;-)

San Francisco at night

Here is a pic of Downtown San Francisco we took from the Twin Peaks at night. The brightly lit street in the middle of the pic is Market St. It's like the Gay capital.. street of the world!

A song for the mothers

Since it's Fathers day today and the fathers are getting all the attention, I thought this would be a good time to post something to make our mommas feel special...

Thank you dear lady, for being my mom.
You did all my homework, you took me to prom.

And I was the only guy,
Who got lucky that night.

(Stephen Lynch)

Mitch Hedberg Quote of the Day

"The thing about tennis is, no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're f***ing relentless."

South Park + My Work Scene of the Day

That's Dave in Gray, me in Blue and... I guess its pretty evident who the dead girl is :)

Bob Saget is God!

http://www.bobsagetisgod.com/

"In the beginning Bob created comedy and entertainment. And the comedy was without punch lines, and the entertainment was mediocre; and eagerness was upon the face of the audience. And the Spirit of Bob moved upon the face of the masses.

And Bob said, Let there be laughter, and there was laughter. And Bob heard the laughter, that it was good: and Bob divided the laughter from the jeers. And Bob called the laughter happiness, and the jeers angriness. And the laughter and the applause were the first day."

(Sagenesis 1)

Luke, I'm your Daddy!

My co-workers are too funny. When I arrived at work this morning, I found somebody had re-arragned Darth Tater and one of the Intel beany guys I had in my cube...

Seinfeld Scene of the day

Scene: George has taken his parents to meet Susan's parents for the first. Everybody is sitting at the dinner table having dinner....

Frank: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?

George: Why don't we talk about it another time.

Frank: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!

Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.

Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.

Frank: That's perverse.

2 Can Play This Game!

Ok, so this lady, who has her parking spot next to mine is probably one of THE WORST parkers I have ever seen. For the past few weeks, I haven't been parking in my assigned space because I don't want my new Jetta to get all banged up. So today, when I tried parking in my spot and found her car (Silver Camry) clearly not parked properly, I had to do something about it. I didn't wanna park my car over there because I have seen this woman and she is, how shall I say it, of rather "generous proportions" and she needs all the room she can get to get into her car. So, I thought this is the perfect job for my old Corolla. I mean, that old car is nothing but a giant paperweight anyways, so I parked that car in my assigned spot (normally I park it in the general parking area), so close to her car that there is NO way she can get into her car through the driver side door. She can try getting in through the passenger side, but considering she is quite ginormous in size, I can assure you, its not gonna be easy. She can bang my old car all she want, its junk anyways, and she has a brand new Camry, her car at least has some value. Hopefully this will teach her to be more considerate of others from now, if not, she can drag her ass thru the passenger side door everytime she parks here :)

Pigeonocide

Behind that innocent looking wooden cover, there are a few pigeons, awaiting their death. The hatch is for accessing the AC on the roof, but a few pigeons made their nests inside and there is no way to get them out, so our oh so smart handyman decided to cover the hatch and starve them to death... geez. Pretty soon they will start dying and the whole place is gonna start stinking. It will be like living with my college roommates all over again.

Bitch

I had to see you one last time,
There is something on my mind.
How can I say what needs to be said,
The words are hard to find.

How about "bitch, gimme my money,
I want my money and I want it fast.
Hey bitch, gimme my money,
else I'm 'bout to take it out your ass..."

(Stephen Lynch)

I'm Not Fat, I'm...

Holy Crap! Thats one BIG ... feather!

The Gaynamic Duo

These cats are so gay... not that anything is wrong with it!